Picture this: your autistic teenager comes home from school each day completely exhausted, even though they seem to be doing fine socially. Or maybe you're an autistic adult who feels like you're constantly putting on a performance just to get through everyday interactions. If this sounds familiar, you might be witnessing or experiencing something called "masking" – one of the most draining yet common experiences in the autism community.
Masking isn't about Halloween costumes or fancy dress parties. It's the invisible, exhausting work that many autistic people do every single day to blend in with neurotypical expectations. And while it might look like everything's going smoothly on the surface, the reality underneath can be quite different.
What Does Masking Actually Look Like?
Masking in autism involves consciously or unconsciously hiding or suppressing natural autistic traits to appear more "neurotypical." Think of it as constantly translating yourself into a language that isn't your mother tongue – it's possible, but it's tiring.
Some common signs of masking include:
- Forced eye contact: Maintaining eye contact during conversations even when it feels uncomfortable or overwhelming
- Suppressing stims: Holding back natural self-soothing behaviors like hand-flapping, rocking, or fidgeting
- Scripting conversations: Planning out what to say in social situations beforehand or copying phrases from others
- Mimicking expressions: Forcing smiles or facial expressions that don't match genuine feelings
- Hiding special interests: Not talking about passions or interests to avoid seeming "weird" or "obsessive"
- People-pleasing: Being overly agreeable or accommodating to avoid conflict or negative attention
- Copying mannerisms: Adopting others' body language, speech patterns, or social behaviors
The tricky thing about masking is that it often works so well that others might not even realise someone is autistic. But just because someone appears to be coping doesn't mean they actually are.
Why Do People Mask?
No one chooses to mask because it's fun – it happens because it feels necessary for survival in a neurotypical world. The reasons are deeply personal but often surprisingly similar:
Social acceptance: Many autistic people learn early that their natural behaviors might lead to teasing, bullying, or exclusion. Masking becomes a protective strategy.
Professional success: In workplaces that don't understand neurodiversity, masking might feel essential for keeping a job or advancing in a career.
Family harmony: Sometimes people mask to avoid worrying loved ones or to reduce family stress.
Safety: In environments where being different feels unsafe, masking can provide protection from discrimination or worse.
The pressure to mask often starts young. Children pick up on subtle (or not-so-subtle) messages that their natural ways of being aren't acceptable. They learn to observe and copy their neurotypical peers, gradually developing this exhausting skill set.
The Hidden Cost of Constant Performance
While masking might solve some immediate social challenges, it comes with serious long-term consequences that often go unnoticed:
Mental Health Impact
The research is clear: masking takes a massive toll on mental health. People who mask frequently experience higher rates of:
- Anxiety and depression: The constant stress of monitoring and adjusting behavior is overwhelming
- Autistic burnout: A state of physical and emotional exhaustion that can last months or years
- Identity confusion: Spending so much time being someone else can make it hard to know who you really are
- Suicidal thoughts: The combination of exhaustion, isolation, and feeling like a burden can become dangerous
Physical Exhaustion
Masking isn't just mentally draining – it's physically exhausting too. Many people describe coming home after a day of masking feeling like they've run a marathon. This isn't dramatic – it's the real cost of constant hypervigilance and performance.
Delayed Diagnosis and Support
Successful masking can actually work against getting help. When someone masks well, they might not fit typical autism criteria, leading to delayed or missed diagnoses. This means missing out on understanding, accommodations, and support that could make life much easier.
Supporting Someone Who Masks
If you're a parent, carer, partner, or friend of someone who masks, your understanding and support can make a huge difference:
Create safe spaces: Let them know they don't need to perform around you. Explicitly say things like "you don't need to make eye contact with me" or "feel free to stim if you need to."
Validate their experience: Acknowledge how hard masking must be. Comments like "but you seem fine" can be incredibly invalidating.
Learn about autism: Understanding autism beyond stereotypes helps you recognize masked behaviors and support authenticity.
Advocate for accommodations: Whether it's at school, work, or social events, help create environments where masking isn't necessary.
Recognize burnout signs: Watch for increased meltdowns, withdrawal, physical symptoms, or changes in functioning – these might indicate masking-related exhaustion.
For Autistic Individuals: You Don't Have to Perform
If you're reading this and recognizing yourself in these descriptions, please know: your natural way of being is valid. You shouldn't have to exhaust yourself just to exist in the world.
Here are some gentle suggestions for reducing masking:
- Start small: Choose one safe person or environment where you can unmask a little
- Practice self-compassion: You developed masking to survive – it's not your fault
- Connect with other autistic people: Finding your community can be incredibly healing
- Set boundaries: You don't owe anyone a neurotypical performance
- Seek support: A therapist who understands autism can help you work through masking and its effects
When to Seek Professional Help
Consider reaching out for support if masking is causing:
- Severe anxiety, depression, or thoughts of self-harm
- Complete exhaustion that doesn't improve with rest
- Difficulty functioning in daily life
- Frequent meltdowns or shutdowns
- Loss of sense of identity or feeling disconnected from yourself
- Relationship problems due to masking or unmasking
Getting Support at Psychology NSW
At Psychology NSW, we understand that every autistic person's journey is unique, including their experiences with masking. Our team includes psychologists who specialise in autism and neurodiversity, offering both assessments and ongoing support.
Whether you're seeking an autism assessment, need support with masking-related burnout, or want to explore your authentic identity, we're here to help. We create neurodiversity-affirming spaces where you don't need to mask – you can simply be yourself.
Our services include individual therapy, family support, and workplace consultation to help create more inclusive environments. We believe that the goal isn't to help autistic people mask better – it's to help create a world where masking isn't necessary.
Moving Forward: A World Where Masking Isn't Necessary
Understanding masking is crucial for creating truly inclusive communities. When we recognise the exhausting performance that many autistic people maintain just to navigate daily life, we can start making changes.
Schools can teach acceptance of different communication styles. Workplaces can provide sensory accommodations. Families can celebrate stimming instead of discouraging it. Communities can embrace neurodiversity in all its forms.
The goal isn't to eliminate masking entirely – sometimes it might be a conscious choice or useful tool. The goal is to ensure it's truly optional, not a survival mechanism.
Every time someone feels safe enough to unmask – to stim freely, avoid eye contact, talk passionately about their interests, or simply exist authentically – we get a little closer to a world that works for everyone.
If you're supporting someone who masks, your acceptance matters more than you know. If you're masking yourself, remember: you deserve to exist authentically, and there's support available when you're ready to explore what that looks like for you.
For more information about our autism support services or to book a consultation, visit Psychology NSW or speak with one of our friendly team members. You don't have to navigate this journey alone.
